In Memoriam

It's hard to believe that my dear, sweet husband passed away one year ago today.  The reality that it has been a whole year since I have held his hand...heard his voice...hugged his neck - it just seems unreal.  While the days seem to drag on, the months have flown by faster than ever before.   We miss him terribly, and love him greatly.  That will never ever change.  Our sadness remains, and I am beginning to understand that this thing called grief doesn't just go away one day.  Grieving isn't something that heals you...it is a process that changes you. But I believe with all of my heart, that by choosing to trust God through it, I will be changed for the better...to be a better minister of His Word and Spirit, and to become just a little bit closer to the person God created me to ultimately be. 

I still find myself asking God "why?" from time to time...and if I'm honest, I could still ask that question every second of every hour of every day, but more and more I am choosing instead to replace it with prayers of gratitude:  that we had the time we had together, that I had the honor of really  knowing and sharing my life with such an amazing, Godly, giving, and funny man.  It truly was so much more beautiful than I ever could've imagined.  And for that I am truly blessed.

I have spent the past few evenings looking at old photos and other little treasures, and something I stumbled upon led me to pull up Jeremy's blog.  (jdalton27.blogspot.com).  It was such a gift to me to be able to go back and read through those old posts...to be reminded just how opinionated and funny he was.  I shed many tears, but a good number of them were from laughter.  

In honor of Jeremy, I am copying one of his blog posts below.  There are so many things I loved about Jeremy.  But the two things I loved the most were his love for the Lord and his love for others.  Knowing Jeremy's heart for Christ has brought me so much peace.    As much as he loved me and our precious children, he did love Christ more.  And He loved to worship...whether it was by singing in church or by serving his community. He understood that worship is what this life and our eternal life to come is all about. 

It brings a smile to my face to think of him worshiping his heart out face to face with his Savior.  I know he is loving every minute of it. 

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Alabaster Jar 

by Jeremy Dalton

A while back, Kyle and the band at Journey started singing Alabaster Jar by Gateway Worship. I don't know what it is about this song, but every time we sing it I lose it. I'll be singing and tears just start pouring down my face.

It is an interesting thing to worship while basically crying. Vulnerable is the word that comes to mind. I am a self-conscious person and wasn't really comfortable with it (as if anyone was paying attention to me). So, I tried to wipe the tears as they came. Now I embrace it. I feel like I am truly worshiping. The only thing in that moment is me praising the one true God. The One who has blessed me beyond measure. The One who sent his son to die on a cross for me and you.

As I thought more about the song and read the lyrics and the story in the Bible it is based on (Luke 7:36-50), I realized the thing I love about the song and the story is that it is about giving. This woman brought the one thing she had that was worth anything and she broke the jar and poured the perfume on Jesus feet. This was after she washed his feet with her tears.So the question becomes, "what is my Alabaster Jar?" What do I need to bring to Jesus? I don't really know the answer right now. I know I need to figure it out and give it to God. What about you? What is your Alabaster Jar?

Alabaster Jar - Gateway Worship
This alabaster jar
is all I have of worth
I break it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve
You're far more beautiful
More precious than the oil
The sum of my desires
and the fullness of my joy!

Like You spilled Your blood,
I spill my heart as an offering
to my King

Chorus
Here I am, take me
As an offering
Here I am, giving every heartbeat
For Your glory take me

The time that I have left
is all I have of worth
I lay it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve
And though I've little strength
And though my days are few,
You gave Your life for me
So, I will live my life for You

Bridge
Worthy, Worthy
You are worthy
Worthy is the Lord

Posted 3rd August 2009 by Jeremy Dalton